Alan Pardew is a curious creature: sly, untrustworthy, rubbery and non-stick all at once; like the owner of a cowboy roofing company spliced with the seedy front-of-house Maître d’ at a mob-owned back-alley casino.
Pardew is, of course, also almost completely consumed with Alan Pardew too – meaning he is able to perform astonishing feats of mental gymnastics in order to convince himself that the festering jumble sale of crap over which he currently presides is anybody’s fault but his.
Here’s our Top 10 Pardew excuses (Pardewscuses?) from across his time in charge of the Toon…
6. Pardew’s excuse for Newcastle’s dreadful form in the second half of the 2013/14 season: “We were affected by the World Cup, there’s no doubt about that in my mind.” lol