BR - "In a season full of ups and downs, there has been a lot to talk about," an unnamed voice informs us in a tone laced in dramatic intent and urgency.
"From the sublime to the ridiculous, it's been a testing campaign at times for everyone at (Arsenal Football) club. But the recent haircut displayed by Carl Jenkinson has provided the latest test of character for Arsene Wenger's side."
Allay your fears, control your worries. This is all in good fun.